BMW M3 Review

Of course the adult equivalent is for a guy to walk in on a XXX film-shoot with four of his favourite Vivid Video actresses and their favourite multi-headed dildo!

A sweaty session with the M3, in four-door guise no less, is like scoring a date with that sweet-looking girl from next door, only to discover she's more than capable of bringing on the fireworks when things start getting hot and heavy. Let's just say, with the kind of antics this girl gets up to, you wouldn't want to be bringing her home to meet momma any time soon.

The four-door body-shell for the M3 skipped a generation with the outgoing E46 M3, which was available in only Coupe and Convertible guises. With the new sedan, especially in M DCT (M Double Clutch Transmission) variant, the upcoming Mercedes-Benz C 63 AMG will face a stiff rival, particularly since the lower tax bracket of the BMW will be a huge plus for the M3.

Unfortunately, it's also become so easy for pundits to pick up these go-faster 'M' badges from off-the-counter at their favourite spare parts outlet that the proliferation of 'M' pretenders on the road has led to some dilution in the impact actually seeing a real 'M' car. Thankfully, these are generally easy to spot since most of them get it wrong, with a whole generation of 'W' cars created instead!

As opposed to the overt posture of the M3 coupe, the sedan is far more discreet and should prove popular among fans of the M-brand who don't want the attention of its Coupe sibling. Visually speaking, the M3 sedan boasts the kind of flares and styling that its lesser-hearted 3-Series brethren can only fantasise about and fantasise they did, if the reactions from the drivers of the various 3-Series' that passed us in the M3 were anything to judge by.

To be fair, several of these lesser Bimmers were shod in even larger shoes, had bigger wings and far louder exhausts than the M3.

However, the new M3 convincingly demonstrates that less is more, especially when it comes to visual addenda. Moreover, the styling cues are all functional rather than purely cosmetic in the sense that these elements work either to channel air towards the engine or improve aerodynamic efficiency.

The discreet boot-lid spoiler, power-bulge on the bonnet (the V8 at the heart of the M3 needs the clearance), gaping front maw, aerodynamic mirrors and phat flared fenders (under which nestle the 18-inch rubber/rims) are the few concessions to 'vanity'.

Staggered fitment multi-spoke alloy rims in a dusky colour tone and Michelin Pilot Sport PS2 tyres to the tune of the arch-filling 245/40R18 up front and 265/40R18 in the rear gives the M3 a powerful and purposeful stance that set it apart from the rest of the herd.
Other tell-tale signs to 'keep the hell away' are the quad-pipes that bristle belligerently from beneath the rear skirting and the distinctive 'M' 'gills', which conveniently feature integrated side repeaters for a stunning effect. On the rump of this deceptively sedate-looking four-door is an almost embarrassingly small 'M3' emblem, although that's not a huge concern to the low-profile owners of the M3 sedan.

Even on ignition, the car doesn't burst to life in an obnoxious fashion. A true 'gentleman racer', the M3's cabin isn't an exercise in OTT styling. Only the essential elements are essential are present; there are no gratuitous carbon-fibre cladding or distracting bright flashing lights to detract from the motoring experience.

A pair of snug sports seats up front, a chunky multi-function steering wheel with 'M' stitching and integrated 'M' quick-set button, the trio of 'quick access' buttons by the side of the transmission tunnel to toggle EDC, DSC and Power and that familiar illuminated gear-knob are all one needs to enjoy the car.

The M3 features iDrive too, but before critics start belly-aching, it's via the iDrive menu that the driver fine-tunes the 'M' settings. Like the earlier M3, there's even a rev-limit indicator of sorts that prevent high rpm shenanigans when the engine isn't properly warmed up.

With its light clutch pedal, the manual is easy to manage around town and the 400Nm of torque lets you adopt a lazy driving style, since the car can be left in a higher gear than normal cars, even for low speed manoeuvres.

Working the manual box hard gives one the sense of involvement that is lacking on the many new-fangled dual-clutch systems, efficient and blindingly fast as they may be. First and second are short-throw but notchy; however the subsequent gears can be engaged with rapid-fire efficiency and it's easy enough to hit illegal three-figure speeds by the third gear!

When the red mist descends, the docile nature of the M3 transforms with alarming rapidity into a killing machine that delivers blistering and tarmac-shredding performance. The exhaust and induction soundtrack from the hearty V8 are muted though, which is good for those who prefer low-key progress, but these are small issues that a good air-intake kit and full exhaust system can take care of!

All controls are perfectly weighted and car's chassis is nicely balanced and communicative for you to drive hard on the throttle and execute perfectly controlled power-induced slides for the entertainment of the bystanders. The ride is firm, yet never crashy, unless you set the EDC to maximum performance. One never has to worry about being slammed to the ground on an after-market suspension for maximum track performance but horrible day-to-day progress.

As a side note, the 335i may serve up ballistic straight-line performance, but this $333,800, M-fettled car goes beyond mere outright pace. 420bhp and 400Nm propel the car to the 100km/h mark in under 5 seconds with finesse, so this car is no slouch in straight-line and the twisties.

M Division's manna to its faithful devotees is the fact that every M car embodies the perfectly balanced package of handling, performance, reliability and even comfort (for four)™ right out of the box. Now, that's what the Magic of M is all about™!