BMW 750Li Review

For many years, cars like the Audi A4, BMW 3 Series and the Mercedes-Benz C-Class have been associated with yuppies. Then, models like the A6, the 5 Series and E-Class would get people thinking more about the grown-up, slightly boring adult who's been introduced to the words "my own family".

And at the top-end of the spectrum, Audi has the A8, Mercedes has the S-Class and BMW has the 7 Series - all of which are usually mentioned in the same sentence as the words "old man's car". Because they're expensive limousines usually owned by people who have grown out of everything except golf and executive meetings.

Which also sometimes translates directly to "no sense of fun".

But it's not always fair to assume that, say, wealthy 40-plus-year-olds are only interested in reading Business Times, the evening news and swinging at golf balls rather than™ chicken eggs, for example.

I'm still far from that age, but I can imagine never wanting to lose being able to feel like a boy again. Taking out a few eggs at the driving range or sticking a parking ticket on a police car's windscreen wouldn't harm anyone. Plus, the kids would have a laugh.

It's that very important sense of humour that keeps us young at heart.

Could you imagine a happy person saying that when they grow older, they'd want to drive "an old man's car", rather than "my dream car".

It's probably the former which the new BMW 750Li doesn't target. And there's a very good reason for that - this is no old man's ride.

Boasting an extra wheelbase length of 14.1 cm (compared to the normal wheelbase), it's packed with a 4.4-litre V8 capable of leaping 750Li from 0-100 km/h in just 5.3 seconds, and along the way, straightening out even the worst golf injuries. It produces 407 hp and 600 Nm of torque, meaning the Bavarian beast will go all the way to a top speed of 250 km/h.
Endless list of features

The front end on the new F-series platform has been influenced by BMW's Concept CS, and the kidney grilles are flanked by two lines running along its bonnet to the A-pillars. Two more lines begin from the upper corner of its headlights and sweep high along its sides, creating a long, elegant look. Nineteen-inch, beautifully-spoked wheels sit under its fenders.

The result is a strong, clean-looking, yet understated, luxury sedan.

Once you open the door, it's no longer as simple as on the outside - perhaps thanks to its lengthy list of standard equipment. For a start, you get the "soft-close" automatic doors, an electric sun roof, electro-chromatic rear and side mirrors, four electric seats, four-zone automatic air-con and roller sunblinds.

The front seats are also capable of gently massaging your thighs and bum as you drive along, preventing them from getting numb and excellent feature for those long journeys.

But don't worry about getting too relaxed and distracted from driving - the car is also packed with tonnes of technology to keep you safe.

Standard on the 750Li is the Integral Active Steering, which turns the rear wheels in the opposite direction to the front; Active Cruise Control with Stop&Go function, capable of adjusting your cruise control speed and distance according to the car ahead, a rear-view camera for parking, parking sensors, a side view camera, useful for getting out of slip-roads, and also Dynamic Drive (known elsewhere as Dynamic Driving Control).

It also has BMW's new-generation iDrive, which is even more user-friendly now and is displayed on a wide 10.2-inch screen.

And this long list of equipment, if you have bothered reading, isn't just fluffed with fancy names.
I had spent my first 15 minutes in the car trying to find out what's what, which button to activate the optional Heads-Up Display and which one to fire the missiles. The HUD worked brilliantly, but sadly, I couldn't find the "FIRE" button, nor one which said "EJECT".

But never mind. I found the "START" button and was relieved about not needing a pilot's licence to drive this around.

The V8 fired up calmly with a deep, bassy growl, subtly hinting at the immense force it could produce.

Definitely not something boring.

To experience this car properly, it would be like enjoying a good wine. First, you taste just a bit of it, gradually increasing to sips. Then by the end of the night, gulping down whole glasses before making a big mess on the carpet.

So I took it easy and relished the whole affair.

While it's remarkably comfortable at the front (if you don't like comfort, you can easily opt for a sporty ride with a button), its rear passengers are the ones who get the biggest treat.

The 750Li comes standard with two TV screens for the occupants behind, where you can watch your favourite cartoons on the regular channels or even plug in your own DVD - while the air-con seats keep you cool and give you a massage. And yes, individual headphone jacks are in place as well.

However, I was disappointed to find that the car doesn't come with a foot-bath, nor is it an option.

Realistically, though, there's not much else that one would need - there wouldn't be sufficient space for all the extra buttons anyway. But where space is more of a real concern, its trunk falls a little short of it. For a 7 Series, it's actually not as large as one would imagine.

Despite all the fancy gadgetry and luxury oozing in the backseat, it was still most enjoyable from behind the wheel.

Time to start gulping the wine.
With the car's Dynamic Drive set in "SPORT+", I planted my foot firmly on the throttle, savouring every rev from the mighty V8.

Spirited driving in a car with these dimensions is a bit like trying to get an A380 to perform aerobatics - it's almost impossible to imagine. But thanks to zees Germans and their brilliant engineering, when you really want to get a move on, the 7 Series flies like a bat out of hell.

In the 750Li, you feel planted and perfectly in control, especially when you know that there are a million computers and sensors to prevent you from turning into a tree-hugger (of different sorts).

While significant body roll is still felt, understeer is definitely not a familiar occurrence in this limousine. The 7 will hang on so tight that chances are you'd probably lose control of your bladder before losing control of the car.

And that's why it's such a laugh. BMW have built something that can dance like no one expects - and there's hardly any need for something regularly chauffeur-driven to be this agile.

Getting that whole formula right for a car like that really isn't easy, though.

It's an extremely long and complicated process, from planning its market segment and drawing up potential buyer profiles, to deciding whether its design lines on the sides will give it a more elegant look or if simply sticking some sauerkraut on it would be better. And then, the engineers and designers have a huge fight over how to place what where.

Finally, after a few more broken beer bottles and pork knuckles, everyone is laughing and the car is born. And unlike its process, it's not a mess.

The 750Li may have been designed for the grown-up, serious businessman. But who ever said you can't be having some serious fun in a 7 Series?